13goingon30

Have you ever been subjected to a film where your friends, or a girlfriend, force you to watch it and
after it’s over, you want to shoot yourself in the face? Welcome to “13 Going On 30.”

I don’t think I’ve recovered from this one yet. I’d rather be bitten on the neck by an irate cobra than
suffer this flotsam again. Jennifer Garner plays a girl who wakes up one day and is suddenly 30
years old, not 13 like she was the night before. See, during a birthday party, her 13th birthday to
be exact, she invited over all of the popular girls, who hate her but she wants to be part of the in-
crowd. Well, fortunately for her, after her nada-friends jilt her, she makes a wish as some magic
wishing dust falls on her from her closet and she wakes up as Garner. Ugh. Doub—NO, triple-UGH!

Now she’s older, but she’s acting like she’s 13. See, that’s funny, right? If you’re frowning like I was,
then you have the right attitude. This movie has a plot only 13-year-olds and under would
appreciate, yet it’s crafted for older people too with the sexual references and all that crap. And
trust me, it’s crap.

Of course, she finds out how differently her life has gone. She jilted her friend, now played older by
Mark Ruffalo, and grew up with the mean girls. Now she works at a gum-smacking fashion magazine
and doesn’t realize she’s actually a cold-hearted harpy, but when she finds out, oh she wants her
old, nerdy childhood back, not to mention Ruffalo. But how, oh how, can she do that? Ruffalo is
getting married and she doesn’t have any more wishing dust! Oh, the agony and despair!

This is the chintziest film of all time. I have but one final thing to say: Mark Ruffalo, get OUT of these
movies. Between this, “A View From the Top” and “Just Like Heaven,” you are burying yourself.
You’re a talented actor and you should be doing greater things.

You’ll never get this 90 minutes of your life back. I suggest doing something more meaningful, like
Russian Roulette.